The Spiritual Child

- Ashwini Surpur

Excerpts from the Book - The Spiritual Child: The New Science on Parenting for Health and Lifelong Thriving by Dr. Lisa Miller.

“Children are essentially spiritual” - says Dr. Lisa Miller, Professor of Psychology and Education at Columbia University, Teachers College in her book Spiritual Child. 

On Spirituality

Dr. Lisa says, “Children are essentially spiritual. There are many peer-reviewed scientific articles that show spirituality is the key to wellness in the child’s life. Biologically, neurologically, and psychologically, spirituality is part of our nature and is foundational to thriving”. 

She also opines “Spirituality is the central organizing principle of inner life in teenagers. It helps them to find meaning and purpose in life as they grow into adults. Awareness of spiritual development creates opportunities to prepare teens for their individuation, identity development, emotional resilience, and healthy relationships”.

Dr. Miller further notes “Even a single powerful childhood experience of spiritual awareness can be a lasting source of guidance through adulthood”. For example, you may have recollected a dialogue or discussion with your grandma, your aunt or uncle, or even your parents during some difficult situations in your life. It may have helped you handle the situation better or may have saved you from the trauma of misery. On the other hand, one of the family members or a teacher may have inspired you immensely in your childhood, which would remain as an unforgettable spiritual experience all your life. 

Personal Spirituality

Dr. Miller elaborates on the concept of Personal spirituality. She defines personal spirituality as  “your relationship with a transcendent reality or higher Self”. This spiritual companionship is essential for children. We know that children live the story of a Disney movie or Harry Potter in the West as they grow up watching or reading these stories. In a similar manner, a child’s personal spiritual friend could be Lord Krishna as a boy with all his mischiefs from the story of Mahabharata; or Dhruva, a little boy from Hindu mythology who meditated to get a seat on his father’s lap.  The child develops a personal spiritual relationship with characters like Krishna or Dhruva as they grow up listening to such stories. Personal spirituality becomes the inner life of the child, constantly guiding and lifting their spirit. Dr. Miller says “Personal spirituality is the most potent form of protection against suffering in adolescence. It reduces the risk of depression, substance abuse, aggression, and high-risk behaviors, including physical risk-taking and sexuality devoid of emotional intimacy”.

Dr. Miller brings the importance of spiritual awakening as the child grows into an adolescent. “This developmental phenomenon is seen in every culture, and research shows clinical and genetic evidence for this adolescent surge of spiritual awakening. Parents and children share a parallel developmental arc in which a child’s need and yearning for spiritual exploration coincide with a similar ‘quest’ phase in adult life. For parent and child, meaning and connection often lead to spiritual self-discovery.” 

What is Spirituality?

To quote Dr. Miller again: “ Spirituality is an inner sense of relationship to a higher power that is loving and guiding. The word we give to this higher power might be God, nature, spirit, the universe, the creator, or other words that represent a divine presence. But the important point is that spirituality encompasses our relationship and dialogue with this higher presence. Spirituality helps us to listen to the heartbeat of the living universe and to be in rhythm with the universe”.

Religion includes spirituality. Dr. Miller says, “It’s through the beliefs and practice of their own religion that they build and foster a relationship with God. Rigid adherence to creed without a sacred personal relationship is very different from natural spirituality”.  

Why Spirituality?

Spirituality brings optimism; teaches children to handle setbacks, and gives them confidence. The lifestyle of spiritual contemplation gives them an eternal friend during social isolation. As per Dr. Lisa Miller, “Optimism has been shown to be teachable, not just inborn. For adolescents who develop a strong spiritual compass within a religious tradition or outside of it, spirituality manifests itself as an inner awareness or a sense of relationship with a higher power.”

Dr. Lisa Miller says “A significant number of adults from 25-50 years old in the West today have been raised with no spiritual structure, no spiritual community, no spiritual conversation or teaching, and often no spiritual practice. One-third of young adults (18-25) in America report ‘no religion’.”

Emphasizing the role of spirituality, Dr. Lisa says “Research in medicine and psychology has found that people with a developed spirituality get sick less, are happier, and feel more connected and less isolated. In the context of illness, people with a developed spirituality show positive effects for resilience and healing.”

Bringing the concept of shared spiritual experience is important for children, where the parent and child foster a spiritual relationship together with religious or spiritual acts, Dr. Lisa Miller further writes “How we parent our children for spirituality from birth through adolescence can open this developmental pathway for them—or shut it down. We often speak of a “moral compass” that guides us to choose right over wrong. That moral compass is built upon the spiritual compass, which finds direction from the higher self-guided by the transcendent relationship.”

For generations, parents directly or indirectly conveyed some sense of spirituality to their children through their culture wherein God, or a transcendental entity was the central theme of every activity, celebrations, or ceremonies of grief. Today, we may not have the bandwidth or societal setup to build an elaborate spiritual theme in our life. But even simple daily rituals such as lighting a lamp or a prayer at the dinner table can go a long way in bringing spiritual awareness to children.

I highly encourage every parent to read this book, not once, but at least a couple of times as you parent your growing children.

Ashwini Surpur is the Executive Director, senior faculty and a senior yoga therapist at Yoga Bharati